2004-03-29 - 6:27 a.m.
and inside me lays a giant weight of unknown magnitude. there is just too much to do before the 23rd of april. and even after that it's the big move back down south. i've burned far too many bridges back home to allow for my summer to be any kind of pleasant drama-free period of relaxation. not to mention that this summer is filled with forced employment, community volunteerism, and school as required by the terms of my probabtion program. all of this and more just creates an insurmountable feeling of doom and stress. with every completed task there are a million more to do. i just hate my life right now. and i just keep telling myself once i pass this hump of cruelty things will be better. like somehow after finals and after all my legal troubles things will be beyond perfect. i won't let people get the best of me, i won't let anyone take advantage of me, i won't let loneliness govern my actions...i just won't.. period, exclaimation mark, and all those other idicatores of an ending. if things get any worse right now my chest will explode and my head will fall off. i don't want these responsibilities. i'm tired, broke, and running out of ideas. i just wish i was anywhere but here.
