2003-10-09 - 3:25 a.m.
when i made the decision to not follow the pact and go some place new, i knew that adjustments would need to be made and that things might get tough along the way. i had some trouble finding happiness in orlando in the beginning, but i shortly after made friends. things were good for a few weeks, but now i'm starting to see through the facade.
i go to party after party seeing familiar faces and never really meeting anyone new or making substantial connections. i have an abundance of acquaintances.
i sit down in a room of people, examining every face, and knowing that not one of them really cares, knows, or cares to know the real me. i feel alone and insignificant in the eyes of the thousands of people i encounter each day.
i miss the comforts of home. i miss having firends who enjoy and laugh at my sarcasm. i miss my cat. i miss being understood. i miss having emily to share my feelings of doubt or sadness with. i miss having a solid foundation. i miss feeling like an item of worth.
things are so much more simple at home, and i find both my mind and body aching for the simplicity that this place lacks. everything is long, drawn out, and of the greatest importance. and i've grown tired.
i just wish for sleep and a good tomorrow, but i know i won't find that here. atleast not for a very long time, and i don't know if i have the energy anymore.
in laymen's terms, i just want to go home.
