2003-02-11 - 9:06 p.m.
i miss him. i miss him more than i should and this is so ridiculous. even when he reveals himself to me at his worst moments, he still manages to steal a piece of my heart. even when i'm preoccupied with someone else, his name will periodically slip from my lips. last week the feelings were there, but it's just so hard to see. the urge to hold his hand is there when we are crossing the street. the urge to sneak in a kiss with the goodnight hug is still there. and maybe this is the way things will always be. and maybe i should just get used it. but things never match up to the fantasy and its not fair. the reality of him and the reality of everything else is just slightly tainted and it never lives up to the faded memories or future plans. i've been talking about taking risks lately. putting myself out there. but i just can't be honest with anymore.
