2002-11-09 - 2:17 a.m.
this shouldn't shock me but it does. it bruises me like a peach. i'm all soft and fleshy to the words that pelt my delicate exterior.
i'm so used to being the one he will never forget that the fear of being forgotten is so great that it could swallow me whole.
i don't expect anything from him, but he will always be the ideal. the boy who meant everything and nothing at the same time. the boy who still means everything and nothing. i want it all but i don't. maybe one day i won't be the confused innocent girl you want to love. maybe then i'll want to love you too, but it won't be the same. just as it never has been. this only worked once, and even then it didn't work too well. but this still holds meaning and we're still here. that has to show for something.
even now, after the two bitter years apart, we cling to each other for the understanding and insight that the outside world could never offer. part of me will always love him at one point in time. its just a matter of what part and what time.
