2002-09-23 - 11:20 p.m.
this all too ridiculous and my anger exceeds my vocabulary.
i suppose i should be used to not exsisting anymore. i suppose it should be common place. everything happens again. someone keeps hitting the replay button and i keep hearing these dumb songs over and over again. love will tear us apart again, i get the point. i can't verbalize my emotions accurately right now and these songs just aren't helping. i feel so fucking generic is hurts.
the same thing happened with josh and now it's happening with alan. i disappear and whatever friendship there was fades to grey. i'm so sick of getting close to people just to get pushed away in the end. i'm sick of giving someone a piece of myself just to lose it forever. the past still holds meaning to me and i don't want to let go, but when it comes to this, i'm more than willing. the part that hurts the most is i predicted this, not once but twice, and somehow each blow to the stomach is more shocking than the last.
him: whatever
me: whatever exactly
me: keep on saying whatever and keep on not caring
me: because i know you will anyway
him: i don't want to talk to you if you're going to be be like this.
me: the perfect excuse, right?
